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On Saturday 20th February around 4pm a period like cramping started while my partner Alex was DJ live streaming. I got super emotional and slightly worried anticipating the unknown, I started crying. I went to the toilet and had a small bloody show. I headed downstairs to be closer to Alex and bounce on my ball, waiting for Alex to finish his stream. 

 

Everything seemed to stop after that bout of cramping so Alex popped to the shop for spinach thinking we’d make dinner.. LOL. 

 

At 7pm I text Alex “please hurry home” as my period like cramping ramped up! I started using my breathing techniques, TENS machine, squeezing my prego ball at ALL angles and counting my surges on the Freya app. Which was saying I was already in established labor - we almost didn’t believe it. 

 

I rolled around on the mattress we had bought onto the living room floor and our sofa for maybe two ish hours. Alex fed me chocolate raisins and water. I wanted to leave it as long as possible before calling the midwives as I didn’t want to be told I was “only” a small amount dilated and feel disheartened. 

 

Alex called our Doula Tortie who said just try to rest/ sleep/ eat but something was telling us both that wasn’t going to be possible. 

 

At 10pm I had to move upstairs due to surge intensity, I felt I needed the toilet from all the pressure on my undercarriage and I just couldn’t get comfy. I climbed the stairs on all fours 

 

I made it to our bedroom and lay on our bed, I saw a bright indigo light emanate from all angles but my eyes were closed. It felt powerful and comforting, like I was being held by something greater than I/ an exterior force. 

 

I wanted to move my body so I began walking around the landing, breathing deep, pep-talking myself with affirmations and circling my hips as much as I could between surges. 

 

I began feeling a bit overwhelmed by the unknown so I really tried to hone in on my thoughts - I imagined every surge was bringing me closer to my baby and every surge was massaging my baby down. Every movement I was making was massaging baby down. All the powerful mothers were waiting for me to join them - cheering me on. I used the stairs/ beach visualisation and could feel the sea breeze on my face at the top of the cliff. I could feel our girl Rosie was with me, spirit was with me, the universe was on my side.

 

My bloody show continued, getting more bloody and a little bit mucusy. 

 

I thought of all the powerful women who had birthed before me and I felt comfort. 

 

Alex ran me a bath and I got in around 11pm, the surges ramped up so I could only lay down in there for a short while before having to get out. 

 

Around this time I declared I needed an epidural and that we may have to go into hospital as I thought I may die! I thought being a FTM this was just the beginning of a three day labor - and how was I going to survive!!!!! But, Alex reminded me that’s not what I wanted and I could do this. I was the storm!! He started breathing with me. I continued to think of all the powerful affirmations and mothers before me and continued to be calm and breathe baby down. 

 

At around 12am baby pooped in utero and my pushing reflex started. I felt like I needed to poo so bad - the pressure was incredibly intense. I started moving instinctively and holding the sink to stretch my lower back as much as possible, I became very hot so ran cold water across my wrists. 

 

Due to bubbas meconium Alex called the midwife who insisted we go straight to southmead hospital - we were told they didn’t have a midwife on call and they worried about the meconium. 

 

Slight worry arose within us after speaking to the MW. Alex asked if I could still feel the baby moving and with that I got a sharp kick. Yes I said as he told me to carry on, he reassured me by saying I’ve got this and everything is going to be okay. I felt so powerful in this moment knowing my baby was safe and my body was capable to birth my baby. I also knew there was no way I could make it into the car let alone the hospital. So we declined and Alex called our doula. 

 

Our doula was an incredible support for us - even remotely. She reassured us the hospital can send a MW out and to keep asking for one. Alex called the hospital back and negotiated the situation, after some debate we were told they’d have a midwife to us in about an hour. Great! 

 

At 1:20am sat reverse cowgirl on the toilet my waters broke on a push and shot out into the bowl all dark coloured from the meconium. 

 

I started deep groaning like an absolute animal and my pushing reflex continued to ramp up. 

 

I thought baby may not be in the optimal position and I felt a spike of worry wash over me. An intuitive thought arose from that - bubba was just fine and all was going to be ok! I took a deep breath, calmed myself by affirmations and continued... 

 

“My baby is in the perfect position. My body knows how to birth and my baby knows how to be born.”

 

I wondered how I was progressing so I thought I’d do my own cervical check. I touched myself and could only feel me, I didn’t recognise myself to the touch, I was very swollen and I started wondering how the hell can I do this, how can I open enough!?

 

I kept on with my affirmations:

“It’s time baby” “we can’t wait to meet you” “release and open” “let go” “it’s safe”

 

Just before 2:30am I touched myself again and I was opening. I felt what I thought was a head crowning. I did think to myself - this feels a bit soft to be a head - maybe baby is still in their bag!? (Although my waters already broke!) I said to Alex “I can feel the head!” 

 

Both of us unaware it would only be a few minutes till bubba arrived he said shall I fill the pool? I wasn’t really on this planet in this moment, I felt like I had left my body and flown to the stars to bring this little soul back with me... I said yes as he rushed downstairs. 

 

At this point each push felt like a great relief, like the pressure was easing. 

 

Another push and I felt more of a “head”, then came a very long push - in the middle of this push I instinctively thought, I need to pull baby back incase I tear - so I managed to breathe baby back in and pushed again... this time a bum came out. I thought holy shit! Baby’s BREECH! I called for Alex as a leg popped out, followed by the other one, another push and she was here!! Baby shot out as I caught her under the arms and she immediately started crying a high pitched alarming sort of cry. She was sooo slippery as I raised her up toward me and Alex ran into the bathroom to meet her. I placed her against my chest so she could hear my heartbeat and we covered her in a towel. She was tiny! 

 

Blaze Bia Altalune BBA breech 2:33am 21.02.21 - 7.6lbs. 

 

We were so elated and in a little shock we didn’t check baby’s sex for about five minutes. I lifted her up and exclaimed... “she’s a girl!!”. We were over the moon!!! WE DID IT! 

 

Within 15 minutes my placenta naturally delivered into the toilet (oops!). Alex ran like a champion to get a bowl and lifted it out the toilet! Baby and I were able to stand up for cuddles. I bled onto the bathroom floor. 

 

Our Doula Tortie arrived about 10 minutes after Blaze was born. I passed Blaze to Alex for skin to skin while Tortie helped me clean up. 

 

The MWs arrived at 330am ish. We were already snuggled up in bed with our little squidge when the MWs suggested to cut her cord so they could check us both over. 

 

We wanted DCC and as it had been over an hour since Blaze was born and her umbilical cord was cold/ stopped pumping, we agreed. Alex cut her cord 

 

The MWs checked me over - I had one small tear inside of me and two small grazes. I asked for gas and air while they stitched me up. I enjoyed the G&A immensely! 

 

Blaze was checked and weighed. 34.5, good heartbeat, no marks, good breathing, just a fluctuating temperature - which the MWs were concerned about.

 

Due to her temp, the meconium and the fact she was breech the MWs insisted we blue light to hospital. We declined, I knew her temp would stabilise when we had some more skin to skin and everything else about her was perfect. 

 

Our declining was a big issue for the MWs which we needed to navigate. They called the hospital - who seemed angry and threw safeguarding concerns at us! 

 

We stuck to our guns knowing that if anything changed we would go to hospital but otherwise everything was pointing to her being OK. The MW waited with us for another hour and took her temp again and again - she was stable at 36.7degs. Happy days! 

 

The MW insisted I spoke to the neonatal Dr at the hospital, which I did - to confirm that we were of course going to keep observing Blaze and if anything changed we would take her in to be monitored. Our MW was then ok to leave us. 

 

We had the perfect first day together. She is just gorgeous and we are so in love 

 

As we didn’t use the birthpool for birth we filled it up and gave Blaze her first swim! She loved it. 

 

Blaze’s umbilical cord fell off clean three days later on the morning of Wednesday 24th.